When I die I want random people to tell my girls, “yeah, I knew your Mom, she was a great person.” I want them to feel connected to me when I’m gone. I want them to know how much love I have for them, and I want people to constantly remind them of that.
I want people to feel deeply for me, because when I pass, I want those very people to continuously check up on my family. I want those people to reach out to them on holidays and on the occasional night out to eat. I want them to love me so much, that they will love them by default.
It’s not selfish to want to go out and explore the world when you’re a mother. It’s not selfish to make friends outside of your family’s list of friends. It’s not selfish to wish to be known apart from the kids. Those things are not you being selfish.
Not doing those things are selfish.
Because it’s selfish to leave your children with no one to share your memories with, no one else to grieve with, and no one to understand your grief after the years have long passed.
I want to make stories of myself doing incredible things outside of my kids. Not for myself, but for my kids.
Because I often wonder,
If I died today, what incredible stories would people tell my girls when they are older?